Whether you lost your mom to death, neglect, abuse, mental illness, or other reasons….this site is for you.
Mothers need mothering. Our need for nurturing, support, and advice doesn’t stop when we become adults. As mothers, we constantly put our own needs aside and tend to our children. But we may not have a woman who is available to care for us–to teach us, encourage us, and guide us down the most challenging and rewarding path of our lives. While spouses, friends, grandmothers, sisters, aunts, or counselors can provide this, there are moments when it feels like only a mother will do. At those times, the longing and grief can be overwhelming.
I grew up with a single mother who was often suicidally depressed, neglectful, and abusive. From about age 6 on, I took on the role of mothering myself and my siblings. Over the years, I paid bills, cooked dinner, bathed my brother, and sat watch when I thought my mother might harm herself. Though I do have some positive memories of my mother growing up (mostly of times between her depressive episodes), my overall feeling was loneliness, and an enormous sense of responsibility. My mother is still alive, and we are in touch, but our roles feel forever reversed. I distanced myself from her the day I moved out, shortly after my 18th birthday.
When I became a mother myself in 2007, I really began to grasp for the first time ever just how big a loss this experience was. Not only did I start grieving the emotional absence of my mother growing up, but I suddenly longed for a present-day mom who knew more about parenting than I did. Thankfully, I’ve been blessed over the years with some amazing friends and mentors who support me and care for me as a mom would, but there are still moments–like pacing the halls with a crying baby at 3 AM–when I just want a mommy to wipe my tears, tell me I’m doing a good job, to say “I’ve been there. I understand.”
As I look around, I notice I’m not alone in that longing. I have friends whose moms are absent. One friend lost her mom to breast cancer just four days after her oldest son was born. Another lost her mom as a teenager, when her parents divorced and her mother immediately remarried and cut off contact with her and her dad. This blog is as much for them as it is for me–to provide a place to share our stories, celebrate our successes, seek advice and support one another as we learn to mother ourselves and lean on those safe people in our lives who care about us.
The more we can do that, the better mothers we can be to our own kids.
Welcome. I’m glad you’re here.
-Mountain Mama
